Why I love The Simpsons

[Homer, Bart and Lisa are in the car, Homer is driving]

Bart: But I can't play quarterback! I don't even know how!

Homer: Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.

Bart: Since when?

Homer: Since your mother yelled at me. Now, how about that hug.
[Homer completely dismisses his driving and hugs Bart.]

Bart: Dad!! The car!

Lisa: I got it.

Moving right along ..

Some things can still make me smile thru this black mood.

cnh

Grad Life

© Jorge Cham.

A Panda walks into a bar.. (mind your commas)

My thesis advisor told me this one today.

A Panda walks into a bar and asks for a beer and some grub. Everyone is astonished, but they don't show it. The bartender is surprised, but calmly serves the panda. He later enquires whether it likes the food and recieves an affirmative reply. After the panda finishes it's burger, fries and beer it asks for the check and pays the necessary amount. However just as it is leaving, it takes out a gun, shoots the bartender and leaves.
Now the owner of the bar, who is still getting over this whole panda-walking-into-a-bar thing runs up to it and demands an explanation. He says you even liked the food goddamit .. why shoot my bartender?
The panda calmly takes out a dictionary and shows him the entry for 'panda'

Panda: A black and white bear-like animal which eats, shoots and leaves.